Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
