I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
