Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
