I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Randomize
