This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
