He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
