exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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