I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
