Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
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