I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
