So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
