dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
im holly from the hills drunk
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
