Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
