When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
