He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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