I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
