you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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