I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
