Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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