I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
