good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
