is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
She's the barista slut.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
