just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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