So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
