I wanna bring you to show and tell
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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