found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
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