Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
