I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize