He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
ok first of all what the fuck
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
