He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
