How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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