I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
