I wish I could teleport
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
