So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
