You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
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