I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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