ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
