there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
