I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Randomize
