Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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