I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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