OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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