she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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