Say something about gay babies.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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