In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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