why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
