i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
