I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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