He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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