I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
