Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
