did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Randomize
