whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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