Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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