I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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