I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
We are all done wearing pants today
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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