There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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