guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
