Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
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