On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
