sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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