gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
