I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
