You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize