I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Randomize
