Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
