just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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