Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
