my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
