I accidentally burped into my bong.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
